i realize that when i blog a lot of my writing is about writing. i am not sure why. i honestly, do not spend my days thinking about writing. i would be safe to say that i do not even spend my days thinking deep thoughts. i do think it's a safe, interesting and comfy topic for me. there is not much new to reveal on the subject, even as it concerns me. so hide behind it.
it's easier to talk about writing than--
my own anxiousness.
this huge event my body is preparing itself for.
the places in my heart that scare me.
the way i am so unfocused and uncertain about everything (or so it feels).
healing. the continual work that it requires.
learning to love people.
learning to love myself. deeply and not just superficially.
writing new narratives.
fears about the state of the world. this country.
wondering how to work on my new canvas.
wondering if canvas means selling.
wondering if canvas just means exploring.
my relationships. some good and some not so good.
recovery(ing) from people pleasing.
not following trendy diets.
loving my body.
learning to love my body.
fear of black and brown bodies.
aesthetic as morality.
not feeling like i can quite capture what i want and need to say.
minimalism and simplicity.
images and representation.
ads on Instagram.
cultivated beauty vs overly contrived "beauty".
forgiveness and how it comes it waves.
forgiveness and how i need to offer it myself daily.
allowing goodness in.
not trying to present it all neat, tidy and in a consumable bite.
and the list goes on....
still, it's easier to write about how i can't write. because to write about all the things that i want to write about might strip me bare. they might reveal more of me than i am willing to give the world and maybe that is why my keyboard is such a confusing place.
here's the kicker--i don't have to write it all or even think it all but here it is floating around. maybe one day, i will tackle this list. or maybe you will tackle it, in your own way. i dunno. we can't do it all. i can't for that matter write it all. i just want to.