this june, i signed up for a zillion classes. i thought i needed the creative push. maybe i did but i am thinking if i had to do it again, i would give myself a break.
the honest truth is i can't creatively keep up with the outside world. i don't want to keep up. i don't want the obligation to create. i just want to create but i don't want to do it vacuum. i want to grow and explore my edges as an artist, i want to be a part of a larger conversation but i want to create for me. does that even make sense?
so, i am learning a lot from these classes (the times i can focus and dive in). they are a good respite when i can't get back to sleep but maybe (doing them right now and all at once) wasn't my brightest idea.
slow creativity is nothing new. it just takes some self-reflection for me to get back to it. so i am focusing on art journaling and collage more than ever. they are small and portable ways to create. i am writing here some and in my journal (when the mood strikes) and picking up my stitching as a way to calm my nerves (when I remember). i am taking photos and posting them online or not because it brings me joy or the light is lovely. i am dabbling in classes (when i can) but not from a sense of obligation but from a sense of curiosity.
i am not doing anything everyday and definitely nothing all at once and it feels good. it feels sustainable. it feels organically me...human.
i guess in some crazy ( and very roundabout) way, i am learning and about pacing, trusting my own internal pace and letting go. i am learning about my own limits and respecting them. i may or may not get it all done and that's okay. i have made my peace with that. whatever i do get done will be full of what i need. i can trust that.
we live in a world that is constantly urging us to be and do more. i buy into that from time to time. there is so much i am interested in. there are so many ways i dream of expanding my life. it's easy to think someone or something outside of you has the answer to what you need but that is rarely the case. information is a great tool but integrating and embodying knowledge in life is not something that can really be taught or sold. you just have to have the courage to listen anddo it.
once, i've allowed myself to slow down and took a deep look at myself, i've seen that maybe, there is much to learn, but i am doing just fine as i am, too.