one thing these past few weeks and months have taught me is that life is most certainty not a formula.it's most certainly not about who is watching and what they like. it's not about perfection or 5 steps to whatever....
you can do everything right and still it all falls apart. you can want someone to live and they die. you can want to hold someone you love as they leave this world and instead never hear their voice again. you can want to have a, b and c and maybe you get z.
you can have all the material abundance in the world and be lonely. you can be silent but it does not mean you don't care. your heart can be breaking and you can still be brave. you can have courage even when you feel destroyed. you can feel empty handed and give someone the best gift of all. none of these things make or break you completely. it's just life.
life is not a formula to be figured out and sold in the marketplace. life is too short and precious to be lived timidly and with one eye on suppose to or appearances. it's too chaotic and magical to try and be palatable to every single person in the world.
so why do we try, because we are hustling and looking for validation in all the wrong places. we want to belong. we want to matter. we want fame and fortune. or maybe that is just the mantra of the world telling us who we are. maybe we don't know why we do the things we do because they are so ingrained in us and our culture. we can't imagine anything else.
all i know is none of our true worth comes from the outside. it won't come from your bank account or who agrees with you on the internet . it won't come from having a white kitchen or 55 belongings. none of these things are good or bad but they are just things. who we are is more than the sum of what we do or don't have. our worth and our legacy can not be built on something this shaky. .
i am not saying throw the internet away. i am not saying live under a rock. i am not saying don't market or hustle or have goals. i am just saying this is it. this life. whatever or whoever you are giving your energy to is what you are living for.
"what can we take with us" is how we often live like that's what matters most but we can't take anything with us. so maybe, the question really is, " what will will leave behind?" maybe that is the question that changes everything?
what really matters? we don't need a challenge or death to live close to the bone. we just need to look up and step into life. it's waiting. it won't wait forever. that's not morbid....it's the truth. life is here and now. heaven may or may not come later...depends on who you ask...but here and now...as imperfect and wobbly as it may feel...it's more precious than gold. it's what holds us. it's what matters.